Ritz Doctrine

For three days, we were subjected to Ritz Carlton Philosophy Training. We met in large parking lots, were bussed to the property, and stood outside in our respective areas--Housekeeping, Food and Beverage, Culinary and Stewarding, Culinary, Finance &c.--and cheered. Human Resources folks worked up waves. Chants of "RITZ" "CARLTON" back and forth, back and forth, listening to Culinary bang on pots and baking sheets, then parading up the sweeping staircase, along past the restaurant, and to the main banquet hall through a gauntlet the Ritz is proud to call the Wall of Applause.
For the opening, the Ritz flew in the biggest Ritz Carlton cheerleaders from around the world, an army of maybe a hundred and fifty that dominated the property with the critical weight of a maximum capacity crowd. And each and every one of them lined up from the entryway to the banquet hall to applaud the three hundred new hires entering their tutelage.
I'm a musician, remember, and accustomed to standing during applause for other people's work. At least then it's not a bunch of creepy people staring at me and lauding me for walking past en masse, it's a bunch of people who have listened to the symphonic productions to which I have contributed. But okay, the Ritz Carlton appreciates me. Cool.

Day One was a happy, feel-good time, centering on the Credo Card. Suffice to say, it's the company's form of eugenics; live the credo--the Motto, the Three Steps of Service, the twelve Service Values, the Employee Promise, all wrapped up in a business card sized accordion fold that encapsulates the Ritz Carlton's mission and execution.
Day One was, "Welcome to the Ritz Carlton. You are joining the top one percent of hospitality providers in the world. You are ladies and gentlemen, unanimously and without question, and you are serving ladies and gentlemen. You are not servants; at the Ritz Carlton, you are ladies and gentlemen above all else. You are internal guests. You are empowered. We will give you up to two thousand dollars to create lasting emotional experiences, memories, and Ritz Carlton customers for life. Get to know your customers, and surprise them with thoughtfulness--go buy a teddy bear for a kid who lost one, replace a cracked window in a monthly customer's car, bring a fresh box of Kleenex to someone with a fistful of tissues, bring roses to a couple who announces an anniversary. Write everything down so we can remember for next time. Write down birthdays and anniversaries, food and drink allergies and preferences, stock the fridge with the case of Diet Coke the person brought last time, remember that they are ladies and gentlemen, just like you, and they want to be treated well, just like you. So welcome to the Ritz Carlton family! Go team!"
"RITZ!"
"CARLTON!"
"RITZ"
"CARLTON!"
Until the exiting ovation seems an honor, not a superfluous cordiality.

Day Two brought what I will call demerits, or the "or else" clauses of employment: "Okay, you know what we're about, but really, you have to keep our clients in mind: Francis Ford Coppola, Michael J Fox, Britney; they have expectations, and you'd better accommodate. So, no smoking, no drinking, no eating, no cell phones, no congenial gestures, no love pats, no slang, no familiarity in public unless it's with a guest's kid. No scraggly hair, no ponytailed gentlemen, no spike-haired women, no dyed hair, no extreme makeup, no extreme jewelry, no wild socks, no untucked shirts, no baggy eyes, no caffeine jitters. You are ladies and gentlemen and will act it, because if you remember Service Value #10, you are proud of your professional appearance, language, and behavior.
"If you are out of line, you will receive demerits on a subjective basis. Miss a shift, show up late, out of uniform, mentally disengaged, physically compromised, and you might just tip the scales to canned.
"You will swipe at Loss Prevention [security] the moment you step on premises. You will swipe in for your shift. You will swipe out for lunch, which must come before the fifth hour of your shift or you will receive demerits. You will swipe back in after exactly thirty minutes--any more or less and you will receive demerits. You will swipe out before the eighth hour of your shift or you will receive demerits. Here, sign this form to waive the right to a lunch before the sixth hour of your shift. While you're at it, sign this form to waive treatment from a non Ritz doctor.
"Had enough? Okay, go get lunch."

"Welcome back. Remember: you cannot be on the premises outside of your shift unless you have prior approval. You cannot clock in before your half hour lunch is up. You cannot clock in for less than four hours. If you are on premises, you have to clock in, so you have to be here for reason enough to justify four hours of pay, okay?
"When you leave, either your shift or the premises, you must clock out. When you arrive, you must clock in. Failure to do so will result in demerits.
"When you leave, you will return your uniform. Loss, damage, or alteration will be grounds for discharge. As you exit, your bags will be subject to search."

"Every morning, you will have a lineup, during which your manager will read the Commitment to quality, which is a story about 'the genuine care and comfort of our guests' or 'the finest personal service and facilities' which ensured that 'the Ritz Carlton experience enlivens the senses, instills well0being, and fulfills even the unexpressed wishes and needs of our guests.' [really] You will be inspected for conformity and uniformity and any transgressions will be noted. Each day, we will highlight one of the Service Values. You will be expected to know them."

All of it interspersed with anecdotes and rambling designed to make it sound fun and happy.
And the Wall of Applause.

Day Three: I was ready to scream. Don't ask me to delve in. It was another intense session of go team, sandwiched between the Wall of Applause. The only thing I can say is that it was somewhat relieving to hear that most of the speakers--many of whom were way high up in the company--started work as part time servers or banquet attendants.

Day Four-Seven: trial runs. Serving the trainers, with more trainers hovering around, and everyone offering contradictory assurances about the proper conduct of the restaurant. Day Eight-Twelve: working the early bird shift. Every day.
Twelve days straight.
What was that about overtime?
About getting in trouble for working too much?